Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
