I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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