1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
