I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
