he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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