I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
