at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
