She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
