you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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