capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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