well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
