I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
