With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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