Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
