I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
