Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I fill condoms, not promises.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
