I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
