im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
