Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to make out with him forever
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
