It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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