Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
