Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
