Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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