That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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