I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize