bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
