The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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