Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
