you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
