it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize