Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
