Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
