I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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