Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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