There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
