You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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