but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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