I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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