hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize