dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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