I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drake has all the answers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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