RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
