Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
