Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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