Whod you bang
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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