I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
