hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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