4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So squirting runs in the family.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
