I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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