...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
