I'm lost and stupid without you.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
