omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
