Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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