I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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