I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
