How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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