At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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