Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
