just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
