I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
