Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
