i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
