I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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