i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
