the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
