Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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