Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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