Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
