That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
