Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
