Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
