I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
