i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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