I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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