She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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