does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
